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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023059">I want(ed) us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurawinterrain/pseuds/aurawinterrain'>aurawinterrain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Falling Out of Love, Fights, Future Fic, Heavy Angst, Kuroo is tired, M/M, Mentioned Yamaguchi Tadashi, POV Tsukishima Kei, Songfic, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei is a Mess, but so is tsukishima</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:26:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27023059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurawinterrain/pseuds/aurawinterrain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>We fall in love then we fall out of it, that's just life. But sometimes the latter hurts so, so much more. </p><p>or, Tsukishima coming to terms that they weren't just silly teenagers in love anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I want(ed) us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt #10</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was quiet. The clock read 03:00 - way too early in the morning for anyone to be awake. Yet Tsukishima was, laying in the bed that suddenly seemed way too big for him. Of course, it was, it was meant to be a bed that he shared with Kuroo, after all. Only, the latter was hardly home these days, and even if he was, his mind was almost always somewhere else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something had changed in their relationship. He didn't know when, didn't know what. All he knew was that something had changed. Sitting up, the blonde put on his glasses, padding towards the living room. The light was still on - a signal that deep down inside, he was still waiting for Kuroo to come home. He seated himself down on the couch, sinking into the soft material. Tsukishima was tired. He had long day at school, and all he really wanted to do was crawl under the covers, away from reality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yet, he had been tossing and turning about in bed for ages, unable to fall asleep. His chest felt tight, his head filled with too many voices to slip away into dreamland. The same few ones had surfaced - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kuroo is tired of you, Kuroo </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>hates </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>you, Kuroo has moved on. </span>
  </em>
  <span>A frustrated sigh left his lips, as he glanced at the pictures that were littered over the house. Pictures of them, smiling happily at the camera. In some of the earlier ones, tsukishima was frowning, pushing Kuroo away as the camera shutters clicked. Eventually, he learned to smile too, leaning into Kuroo's embrace like it was home. A gust of wind blew through the apartment, causing goosebumps to rise on Tsukishima's milky white skin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I miss him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought, tilting his head back as he closed his eyes and reminisced about the times where he didn't have such worries clouding his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they first got together, everyone thought that they wouldn’t last. Tsukishima was too serious, while Kuroo was anything but. Heck, even Tsukishima himself doubted that they would last. He thought it was a joke at first when Kuroo cornered him after nationals and confessed. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“You like </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Yeah, right. I gotta get back to the team though, so if you don’t mind…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsukishima. I’m serious.” The blonde froze, looking up to meet Kuroo’s eyes. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“... This wasn’t a dare?” The words left his mouth in a sort of whisper, almost as though saying it out loud would cause Kuroo to change his mind. The captain took a step closer to Tsukishima tentatively, glad that he was no longer trying to run away. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“No, why would I do something as stupid as that? Just.. ever since the first training camp, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Even when there are six people on the court, my eyes naturally gravitate towards you. I’m not going to a university in Miyagi anyway, so I thought this would be my last chance to confess. Even if you were going to reject me, I wanted to give myself some form of closure.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tsukishima remained silent throughout his entire monologue, surprised to find that Kuroo was capable of spouting such words. He wasn’t going to lie - he was rather apprehensive of the latter at first. Kuroo was the other type of people that he tended to stay away from - the loud, boisterous type that seemed to be able to joke about everything and anything under the sun. Though, seeing how passionate he was about volleyball, and how he helped him to grow into the middle blocker he was today, Tsukishima couldn’t deny that there </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> a serious side to him. What he didn’t understand was…</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Why me? I bet you could have any girl you want.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“You flatter me, Tsukki. Unfortunately, I don’t have girls falling at my feet begging me to date them. Besides, why would I want some random chick when I already had my eyes on an intellectual who is emotionally constipated and doesn’t want to make the first move?” Tsukishima spluttered, taking a step back. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“N-Now, why the hell would I make </span>
  <em>
    <span>any moves </span>
  </em>
  <span>on you, I don’t even like you-”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“And I didn’t top the school for Chemistry. I’ve seen the way you look at me, Tsukishima. Not exactly how someone would look at their senior - or even a friend.” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>The blonde thinks that his entire face must be as red as a tomato, judging from how his cheeks were literally on fire. Then, softly, he decided to drop his guard. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I’m not sure if I do </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>you yet. I’ve never liked somebody. But if you’re willing to wait, or if you’re willing to work it out with me…” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Before he could finish his sentence, Kuroo stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his thin frame in a bone-crushing hug. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Of course I would. I’ll work things out with you, and if it turns out to just be platonic,” He paused slightly, a soft laugh slipping past his lips. “I promise I’ll drop it and we can remain friends.” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>And, that was how it all started. </span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two-hour train rides only to spend the rest of the weekend curled up on Tsukishima’s cramped bed watching documentaries slowly evolved to just running to each other’s dorm after he followed Kuroo to Tokyo. Then, they rented a flat near the university when Kuroo graduated, to allow themselves more privacy. Everything was going smoothly, so where exactly did it all start going wrong? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Tsukishima swallowed, feeling suffocated by the memories. He pushed himself up, grabbing a thin sweater and pushed open the door. He had his phone gripped tightly in his hand as he walked down the sidewalk, enjoying the way the spring breeze blew against his skin. Eventually, he ended up at the park - the same park that they spent countless weekends together just lazing on the grass and talking about everything under the sun. Just then, his phone lit up with a notification. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <b>[Kuroo] 03.34</b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b>Where are you? You’re not at home? </b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <span>He scoffed slightly at the question. Home? Could he even call that tiny apartment </span>
  <em>
    <span>home </span>
  </em>
  <span>anymore? They hardly spent time together nowadays, only returning ‘home’ to shower and sleep. Heck, he even does his assignments in the university library because the thought of returning to an empty flat just doesn’t sit well with him. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <b>[Tsukki] 03.46 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>I needed to take a walk. </b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b>[Kuroo] 03.47 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Where are you? </b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b>[Tsukki] 03.50 </b>
</p><p>
  <b>I’ll be back by the morning. Go to bed. </b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b>[Kuroo] 03.51</b>
</p><p>
  <b>I’m coming to find you. It’s late. You shouldn’t be out alone. </b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <b><br/>
</b>
  <span>Tsukishima sighed, leaning back against the bench and shutting his phone off. If Kuroo was going to find him, then so be it. Perhaps he could finally clear these doubts and move on with life. He shut his eyes, relieved to find that the voices in his head decided to give him a break for now. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Tsukki! What the hell? Why’re you here at 4 am in the morning? It’s freezing.” Something fluffy landed in his lap - a jacket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I needed a walk, to distract me from everything that’s going on right now.” He answered truthfully, standing up to face Kuroo. He gripped the jacket tightly in his hands, mustering up the courage to say his next words. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Well anyway, that doesn’t matter. Let’s go home, hm? Then we’ll sort things out in the morning. I have my first meeting in the afternoon so-” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“No, wait… I just… I don’t think I can do this anymore, Kuroo.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That shut him up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you even talking about, Kei? It’s late, let’s talk in the morning… please? I promise I’ll listen to you-”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“... I don’t want that, though. I need a break from everything. You… You’ve changed, Tetsu. The first few months after you graduated was great, we finally had our own apartment and everything was doing so </span>
  <em>
    <span>well</span>
  </em>
  <span>, then you stopped coming back home, you were constantly on your phone… Even when I took the weekend off from studying so we could go to Disneyland, you were distracted half the damn time. I know work is draining the life out of you, but you couldn’t even put that aside for a few hours? I don’t even know if I can even call that apartment complex home anymore - you just… You’re not the Kuroo I fell in love with three years ago. Not anymore.” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Kuroo’s face fell - it was obvious that this was hurting Kei as most as this was hurting him. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I’ll do better, I promise. I just want to do well at this job, we </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone to pay for our living expenses, Kei! If I don’t focus on my job, then who the hell is going to put food on our table? You sure aren’t - you’re just halfway through your course. After you finish your medical course you still have residency, then fellowship… so tell me, Kei, who is going to pay for the food that we eat, the electricity and water?” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I’m not asking you to quit your job, Tetsu. I’m just asking you to spend more time with me. Am I your boyfriend, or just a child that you have to take care of? I can work during the weekends to help with the expenses. We aren’t in debt or anything- why can’t you take some time off </span>
  <em>
    <span>on the bloody weekends </span>
  </em>
  <span>to just do what we used to do?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Because </span>
  <em>
    <span>I grew up, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kei. I’m not on a scholarship anymore, I have to work for every single opportunity I get. I will pay more attention to you if that is what you want-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>If that is what I want? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not because you want to? You know what - just forget it. I’m going to Yamaguchi’s house tonight, I’ll be back tomorrow to take the rest of my things. We should spend some time apart and sort through our priorities, Kuroo.” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>With that, Tsukishima turned on his heels and started towards his friend’s place. He didn’t know what he was expecting - for Kuroo to actually chase after him so they could continue their conversation. But he heard nothing, no footsteps, no calls after him to stop. He turned around, watching as Kuroo’s back got smaller and smaller while he walked back to their shared apartment. Something akin to bile rose in his throat and he almost wanted to call out to Kuroo, to take his words back, to go back to how they used to be. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Instead, he squeezed his eyes shut, continuing towards Yamaguchi’s apartment. It wouldn’t make a difference, he realised, even if he didn’t confront Kuroo today, this was bound to occur. They were in love, he wasn’t going to deny that, but somewhere along the way, they both had different visions and their paths weren’t aligned any longer. He was still the same person he was three years ago, but Kuroo changed - and it wasn’t his fault. He swallowed the lump in his throat, as salty tears made their way down his cheeks. </span>
  <span></span><br/>

  <span><br/>
</span>
  <em>
    <span>I knew this was going to happen, after all, love is only momentary… I shouldn’t have forgotten that. </span>
  </em>
</p>
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